dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
