did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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