Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
