soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
