Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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