I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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