Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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