Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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