so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
