In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
