Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
