I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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