So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
