I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
