Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
