sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
