Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
