I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
did i just pee glitter
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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