I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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