Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What a dumb baby whore.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
