I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
