you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
