I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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