I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
