I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
