I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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