can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
