white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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