Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
