I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hippo gnu deer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were destined to go to rehab together
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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