Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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