Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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