That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
