I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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