I seem to have left my pride at pride
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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