I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
