Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
