I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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