Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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