I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize