I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
