90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
