it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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