Moan for me like Helen Keller
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
