My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize