She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
