thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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