Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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