all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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