Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
