Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
