Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
