ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
