my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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