I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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