Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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