All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
