I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
