apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
