awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
