my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
