a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize