Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Your cock deserves a montage
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize