are you so shy because you have an std?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
