It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am available for nakedness
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
