I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
