lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
