tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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