I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
