I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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