They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
