Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize