My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How drunk are you?
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