I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
