Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
