Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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