Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
