Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
