I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
