Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
