i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
